Salad and Tea
by Freida5
Summary: When a strange man knocks on the Bag's door, Muriel invites him in for tea. What can Courage do to get rid of this scary stranger?


For some reason one of my favorite childhood shows of all time, Courage the Cowardly Dog, has been on T.V. recently. Not that I'm complaining though, I love to watch the reruns. And on top of that I dared myself to watch a certain creep-tastic video series in the dark by myself right before bed. All nightmares aside, I noticed that the settings for these two shows are very similar to each other. This is what happens when those two shows meet. Enjoy!

Ps: I don't own any of this, but you already know that.

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Ah, this was the life…

Courage stretched and settled back on Muriel's lap. She petted him gently as she rocked back and forth in her creaky old rocking chair. Eustace was in the seat opposite her reading the Sunday paper. The T.V. droned on in the background with some cheesy horror movie that no one was really paying attention to. Just as courage was about to drift off to sleep he thought to himself that this was just another ordinary day for the Bag family in the middle of Nowhere.

His eyes flew open at that thought. An ordinary day for the Bag family? He began to sweat and tremble. An "ordinary day" for the Bag family meant demons, mummies, witches, cats, and insane relatives. It meant they were all in very serious danger!

Muriel looked down with concern "Is anything the matter Courage?" she asked kindly "Or did you just have a bad dream?"

Courage relaxed as she petted him again. He had to deal with enough worries protecting his owners, and here he was imagining troubles that didn't exist. He closed his eyes again ready for that nap.

*tap tap tap*

Almost imperceptible, a noise came from the door. Courage began to tremble anew and clenched fistfuls of Muriel's skirt in his paws. "Oh my, I wonder who could be at the door!" She said as she turned off the television "Eustace, would you be a dear and answer it?"

"Get it yourself." he said as he turned the page.

"I would, but I don't think Courage wants to get off my lap" she gave him a gentle shove but he was still attached firmly to her skirt.

"Oh, I know a way to get him off!" Eustace said with a nasty smile. He rummaged behind his chair for a moment and pulled out a hideous green mask with crazy eyes and a bulbous nose "BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" he shouted.

Courage shot five feet up in the air with a shriek. He zoomed from Muriel's lap to underneath her chair. "Oh Eustace, why did you have to go and do a thing like that?" She asked crossly.

Eustace snickered "Because it's funny! Stupid dog."

While this exchange was happening, the light tapping on the front door never ceased. Muriel put her hands on her hips "Eustace, go get the door."

Eustace scowled and muttered "eh, what am I…" but he folded his paper and got up. He walked over to the door and flung it open "We don't want any!" he yelled.

Courage crawled out from beneath the chair and went to the door as well. When he got there he froze, his mouth sagging open in shock.

Out on the porch was a man, but it was like no human he had ever seen before. He had sickly green skin and large eyes with tiny red pupils and huge bags under them. The man smiled widely, which had the ghastly effect of revealing a crooked row of yellow and green teeth. Under his dark blue long sleeved shirt his shoulders bulged into a hump. And for some reason a beret.

"H-hello there" he said in a quiet voice "Is this France?"

Courage screamed and zoomed back to Muriel, jabbering wildly and trying to warn her something horrible was at the door. Oblivious to his panic, Muriel went over to the door "Oh my, we have a visitor! What can we do for you Mr…?"

The man looked puzzled for a moment and then gave his hideous smile again "My name… is Salad Fingers." At that he held up a hand. Courage took one look at it and whimpered. His hand had no palm, just three long hairy fingers. Salad fingers continued "Now please tell me if this is France. I have been looking for it for so long."

"This isn't France you idiot, it's Nowhere." Eustace told him "Now get off m' property." He went back to his chair and began to read the paper again.

"Now Eustace really…" she turned back to the man "well Mr. Fingers, you are a fair distance away from France. Might I suggest going to the Nowhere Airport?"

"Airport?" He said looking confused "I thought all the planes were off fighting the Great War."

Muriel and courage exchanged looks. Courage shook his head vehemently, but Muriel said "The man is obviously lost. We can't have him wandering around out there." Courage pulled on his ears in dismay as she told the man "Mr. Fingers, you must have been walking an awfully long way. Why don't you come in and have a rest."

"Oh! That would be wonderful. You are most kind." He walked in with an unsteady, lurching gait.

"Why don't we move to the kitchen? I'll make us a cup of tea and we can talk about your plans to get to France." Muriel showed him through the living room. For a moment he paused by Eustace who still had his nose buried in his paper "I shall call you Percival Thatcher. That's a good name." He said happily and continued to follow Muriel. In the kitchen she gave him a seat at the table. Courage followed slowly, his eyes glued to Salad Fingers for the moment this weirdo began trying anything funny.

"This is a lovely kitchen." he said in his strange quavering voice. "Might I enquire if you have any spoons?"

Muriel tilted her head "Spoons? Well yes, here." She rummaged around in a drawer for a moment and brought out a handful of spoons. She set them on the table "do you need them for anything?"

The man immediately began sorting through them. He muttered under his breath and seemed increasingly agitated as he discarded spoon after spoon. When he had sorted them all he shoved them rather forcefully to the other end of the table. "None of these spoons are rusty!" he said sounding put out.

"Of course not, I keep my kitchen neat as a pin!" Muriel said with a little laugh "There's not a fleck of rust anywhere in my house."

This seemed to upset the man greatly and Courage was ready to jump on him, creepy fingers or not. But Muriel, who was distracted by making tea, didn't notice. She asked "So why are you so set on going to France Mr. Fingers?"

Instantly the man relaxed and smiled, making Courage shudder "Oh France! Well it's always been my dream to go there. The horse races, the fine wine, the grand galas…" he gave a little giggle that was even more disturbing than his smile "and the even grander ladies if you catch my meaning."

At this even the short sighted, ever trusting, happy-go-lucky Muriel raised an eyebrow. "Oh… well I'm sure the ladies would flock to a man of your… um… intellect."

Courage snorted, drawing the attention of the man. He hid under a nearby chair as the man grinned at him with his sagging teeth. "What a cute little dog you have! I remember I had a dog once." He leaned back with his eyes closed "Little Rover. Rocket Rover we used to call him, for he was as quick as a rocket. But after he ate the treat I gave him he wasn't so quick. He didn't seem to move much at all…" He looked down sadly, but then perked up "I shall call you Little Rocket Rover Jr., in honor of Rover. He was such a good dog."

"His name is Courage." Muriel said, setting a tray of tea and pastries out. "Please help yourself Mr. Fingers."

"His name will be what I give to him." Salad fingers said, suddenly scowling. "You will do well to remember that, Leslie Norrington."

Muriel just smiled "alright, I don't mind a good joke. Leslie and Rover it is."

Salad fingers nodded in a satisfied manner and tried one of the pastries. He made a sound that sent shivers down Courage's spine. "This is simply delectable! What is this?"

"I'm glad you like it! It's a plum scone. I made the recipe myself."

"May I have the recipe please? I would love to make some for my friends back home." He began to breathe heavily as he looked at the pastries "If you have a pot of ink and a bit of paper, I can write it down."

Muriel rummaged in the cupboards for a moment "here you are." She said setting down a small bottle of ink and a blank paper. "Now where's that book…" she pulled out a huge tattered recipe book and set it on the counter. When she was doing this, Salad Fingers calmly reached up and peeled the skin on his finger off.

Courage's eyes grew wide and he whimpered as Muriel began reading the recipe out loud. Salad fingers dipped his olive green skinless finger into the ink and began scrawling on the paper. Courage dared not get any closer to the bizarre man, but from where he was hiding it looked like he was just scribbling nonsense instead of writing words.

"…And set in the oven to bake for 40 minutes" Muriel said and put the book away. Salad Fingers wiped off the last of the ink and rolled his skin back up.

Courage ran over to Muriel and tugged on her apron. He mimed towards the living room and she left the kitchen with him "Be right back Mr. Fingers!" she said over her shoulder "What is it? You know it's rude to leave a guest."

Courage gabbled to her excitedly, trying to get her to see reason. She crossed her arms "Courage, when a visitor comes to the door it's only polite to invite him in. But I do see your point. He seems a bit odd." Courage slapped a paw to his face. 'A bit odd' was an understatement. "But he's lost, and we should help him get on his way at least. Let him finish his tea and we'll send him off."

Courage sagged in defeat. Muriel gave him a reassuring pat on the head and they returned to the kitchen. What they didn't expect to see was Salad fingers over at the sink tugging on something. With a huge pull and a horrible metallic sound, he fell backwards. A huge spout of water started pouring out of the sink.

"Oh my! What on earth happened here?" Muriel cried.

Salad fingers simply grinned from the floor "Your tap is quite fascinating." He said, holding up the tap he obviously just ripped from their sink.

"Oh dear, oh dear!" Muriel bent down "Here Mr. Fingers, let me help you up."

Much to courage's horror, Salad Fingers grabbed Muriel's offered hand and pulled himself up. Muriel seated him at the kitchen table again. "Now Mr. Fingers, you know it wasn't very polite to go and break my sink like that. I'll have to get Eustace to fix it now."

"You mean Percival?"

Muriel just smiled "I'll need that tap back please." She said.

Salad fingers bit his lower lip, and with a pained expression he handed the tap to Muriel. "I've always wanted my own tap." he said wistfully. "Oh well, it wasn't rusty anyway."

Muriel stuck her head out the door "Eustace, could you get in here please?"

With a grumble, Eustace threw down his paper and entered the kitchen "What's that?" he asked surprised "Alright, who broke m' sink?"

"Now Eustace, it was an accident. Mr. Fingers is sorry for all of this, right?" She looked expectantly at Salad Fingers.

He was walking two of his fingers around on the table and muttering to himself. " 'Oh Mr. Baker, thank you for selling me some bread.' Said little Penny Pigtails." He laughed to himself.

Eustace scowled. He pounded a fist on the table right in front of Salad Fingers, causing the man to jump and give a little cry "Why you good 'fer nothing creep, why did you break m' sink?"

"I- I- y- huh- huh" Salad Fingers started to stutter incomprehensively, his eyes wide with fright.

"Eustace, I said it was an accident." Muriel said firmly and handed him the tap "Please fix this, I'll get Mr. Fingers settled and then we'll sort out where he's heading to."

Eustace scowl deepened, but he took the tap. He pulled a huge wrench from under the sink and began to fix it. Muriel leaned over to Salad Fingers who still looked frightened "Alright, why don't we go to the living room and get away from all this noise."

He got unsteadily to his feet and began to follow her out of the kitchen. He just had time to look over his shoulder and say in a disapproving tone "You are in a great need of etiquette lessons, Percival." Before going into the living room.

Muriel offered him Eustace's stuffed chair and settled herself in her rocker. "Now Mr. Fingers, I don't want to seem to be pushing you out the door, but where exactly are you heading to now?"

Salad Fingers, who still seemed a bit antsy, ignored her. Instead he became fascinated by the T.V. "What is this strange contraption?" he asked, leaning forward eagerly.

"The television? Don't you have one?"

"I only have… a radio" He shuddered. "I used to like listening to the radio. What does a television do?"

Courage shook his head vehemently again, but Muriel reached over to the remote "It shows moving pictures." she said and flicked the on button.

The monster movie came back on. A man in a rubber chicken suit was destroying an amusement park. Muriel giggled a little at the movie, but Courage's eyes were glued on Salad Fingers. Once the T.V. turned on his eyes went wide and his pupils shrank. He sat riveted to the seat, his strange hands digging into the arms of the chair. He began to sweat, and as he watched a few tears trickled out of his unblinking eyes. He began to whimper "No… no! Not the bombs! Anything but the bombs!" he said, sounding desperate. His breathing grew labored, his teeth clenched. It looked like any second he would snap.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

All three of them turned to look at the door. "More guests?" Muriel said surprised "My we're having a busy day today."

She got up and went to the door, courage right behind her. She opened it and looked around, not seeing anyone on the porch.

"Down Here, Mademoiselle." Said a voice with a French accent.

She looked down to see a duck with a handlebar mustache grinning up at her. Courage couldn't place his finger on it, but the duck seemed very familiar. "I am a humble salesman here to sell you an amazing pill! These pills help people sleep."

"Thank you, but I don't have any problems sleeping."

"Ah, but these aren't just pills that make you sleep. They also do many other wonderful things! They put a pep in your step, a shine in your smile and- Gah!" He startled and dropped his bottle of pills as he spotted Salad Fingers who had come up behind Muriel.

"Bobby!" Salad fingers cried in delight "Cousin Bobby Bainbridge, you've come back from the war!"

"You two know each other?" Muriel asked.

The duck looked horrified "No! I have never seen this- this thing in my life before!"

"Now Bobby, don't be coy with me." Salad Fingers kneeled down in front of him, causing the duck to step back in alarm "Don't you remember? We were best friends in primary school! You always brought me over to Aunty Bainbridge's house and we would play with our toy soldiers. Then you went off to be a real soldier, but now you're back!"

"G-get away from me you crazy fool! I am not Bobby! Oh, Help!" he cried as Salad Fingers scooped him up and tucked him under his arm.

"Thank you so much for the tea, Leslie Norrington and little Rocket Rover Jr." Salad finger said happily as the duck thrashed around. "But Bobby and I must be getting going. We'll be late for supper at Aunty Bainbridge's house if we don't shake a leg."

"Goodbye then Mr. Fingers" Muriel said with a smile. She waved as the man walked slowly down the porch and off into the distance, the duck still yelling and flailing to try and escape. While he was shaking his head, the duck's mustache flew clean off. Courage gasped. He knew that duck was familiar! It was none other than Dr. Le Quack! Courage picked up the bottle that he had dropped. It seemed like something was underneath the blue label on the front of the bottle. He peeled back the label that said "sleeping pills" and he gasped again. The purple label underneath said "hypnotizing pills"! The Dr. was going to kidnap Muriel and hypnotize her into doing something terrible! Again!

Muriel sighed and went back into the living room "My, that was enough excitement for one day." She said as she sat down in her chair. "Courage? Would you like to have a seat?" she said and patted her lap.

He stared off into the distance where Salad Fingers was now only a speck on the horizon. He still wouldn't trust that crazy man if his life depended on it. But it seemed that he had saved his family from being abducted by an evil doctor. Maybe, just maybe, being horribly, horribly creepy didn't mean Salad Fingers was a bad guy.

He shook his head and went back into the house, letting the screen door slam. Well he didn't have to worry about that weirdo anymore. Maybe now he could relax and enjoy his day. He settled back into Muriel's lap and began to drift off to sleep as she patted him on the head.

Suddenly Eustace flew into the living room, held aloft by a huge green tentacle. "The sink is gonna take a little while, this thing's clogging it!" he smacked it with his wrench and an unearthly shriek came from the Kitchen. Eustace was dragged back inside kicking and screaming.

Courage blinked a few times before screaming so hard his tongue caught on fire. "Well, there goes my peaceful day." He said sadly before jumping up and going to save Eustace.


End file.
